『 Roxas 』 (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
desenchanter) wrote2015-03-08 12:18 pm
desenchanter) wrote2015-03-08 12:18 pm
DAY 100 | SOLO
❚❚❚❚❚ SOLO LOG.
■ CHARACTERS: Roxas
■ DATE: DAY 100 | HOUR 00:00
■ WARNINGS: N/A
■ SUMMARY: Roxas deals with his emotions about Macha.
The howling has been chilling Roxas to the bone. There's not a single person in the camp that thinks its a good thing, but there's a part of him that thinks it knows exactly what that sound is... He's been to enough worlds, lived enough of Sora's memories, built up his own heart enough that it is almost too obvious the heart of this world is crying out. That they're hurting this world: long and slow and cruel. Everything about this mission is becoming cruel over time, and he wonders if the last one was just the same, but poor frozen Ajna had no mouth to scream with.
He spends the days of quiet after the rescue at the North end of camp, watching the telusa in the water, trying to get a handle on his emotions. He knows if he ignores them, or tries to squash them down... he's only hurting himself.
He can't risk this precious thing he fought for for so long, but reconciling the current reality with what he had hoped for... He remembers how he had handled the cruelty of Organization XIII. He had abandoned them and sworn to dismantle them, he had turned his back on his remaining friend. There's a ribbon of anger cutting into him from the inside, desirous to take the same tact because it would be better than doing nothing.
It had been selfish of him, and its results had been disastrous. He can't bear the idea of leaving his friends to fend for themselves, again. He can't bear the thought of their hurt expressions. Is that just as selfish?
If he can attain his contract, he'll be able to reset all the mistakes of the past, save everyone he has ever loved from the lies they've been fed. Lies that feed upon their desperation. And he's willing to make that sacrifice for everyone else. If he could, he would send everyone home and do this all by himself....
It's a sacrifice. It's his battle to find out if he can make the sacrifice without losing himself.
But maybe he'd do that too, if it was what needed to be done.
■ CHARACTERS: Roxas
■ DATE: DAY 100 | HOUR 00:00
■ WARNINGS: N/A
■ SUMMARY: Roxas deals with his emotions about Macha.
The howling has been chilling Roxas to the bone. There's not a single person in the camp that thinks its a good thing, but there's a part of him that thinks it knows exactly what that sound is... He's been to enough worlds, lived enough of Sora's memories, built up his own heart enough that it is almost too obvious the heart of this world is crying out. That they're hurting this world: long and slow and cruel. Everything about this mission is becoming cruel over time, and he wonders if the last one was just the same, but poor frozen Ajna had no mouth to scream with.
He spends the days of quiet after the rescue at the North end of camp, watching the telusa in the water, trying to get a handle on his emotions. He knows if he ignores them, or tries to squash them down... he's only hurting himself.
Rejecting any part of yourself will make that part fester. You can't escape your wishes, your curses, your vices, your joys. Man doesn't exist without weakness, or darkness. But neither does man exist without light or strength.
The heart is a garden. If it isn't tended to, it will be overgrown, or even withered.
He can't risk this precious thing he fought for for so long, but reconciling the current reality with what he had hoped for... He remembers how he had handled the cruelty of Organization XIII. He had abandoned them and sworn to dismantle them, he had turned his back on his remaining friend. There's a ribbon of anger cutting into him from the inside, desirous to take the same tact because it would be better than doing nothing.
It had been selfish of him, and its results had been disastrous. He can't bear the idea of leaving his friends to fend for themselves, again. He can't bear the thought of their hurt expressions. Is that just as selfish?
A heart is a delicate thing. But that doesn't mean it isn't strong. Caring for others makes it even stronger. The heart's resilience is astounding.
Self-centered desire is natural. A person craves what feels good. Don't feel guilty for that instinct. However, if you let that desire consume you, you'll hurt yourself and others around you.
Think about your desire. It's something you want, so it's easy to assume that it'll make you feel good. But will that be true if you attain it? Or can you see yourself regretting it? If so, why?
If he can attain his contract, he'll be able to reset all the mistakes of the past, save everyone he has ever loved from the lies they've been fed. Lies that feed upon their desperation. And he's willing to make that sacrifice for everyone else. If he could, he would send everyone home and do this all by himself....
It's a sacrifice. It's his battle to find out if he can make the sacrifice without losing himself.
But maybe he'd do that too, if it was what needed to be done.
( Sora... You're lucky. Looks like my summer vacation is... over. )